Girl
by Asphyxiated Angst
Summary: Pain is the only thing that can make us stronger...[a Lita story] [short series of drabbles[drug use, teen pregnancy, sexual situations, self-harm]
1. Hidden Truths

Chapter 1 – Hidden Truths

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_Secrets._

She had so many secrets that she didn't even know where to begin really.

She supposed that maybe she should begin at the start. The one really big secret that she had kept throughout the years. The one secret that made her have to keep all the other secrets.

The one deepest, darkest secret she had ever had had led to all the other secrets that she kept. Her dirty little secret was more complex than it actually seemed. She had been pregnant – and not to mention scared out of her mind – at 16 so ten months after the one night of passion, seven months after finding out and one month after crying and refusing to touch Baby girl, the adoptive parents came to collect Baby and she was fine…almost normal again.

_…sometimes the best secrets are kept untold…_


	2. Pretty Vacant

Chapter 2 – Pretty Vacant

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_Escape._

She craved it as she inhaled the pure marijuana into her lungs, letting out a content sigh when it completely flooded her system, giggling when she felt all that much less fucked-up.

The room was blue and purple and yellow with daisies instead of the normal crimson red tones that occupied it. Everything seemed to sparkle as her mind and reality melded into one and disappeared with the deep reds.

The sunlight struck her and her hand shone brightly. The shimmery nail polish glittered in the mid-morning sun almost magically and her high-pitched giggles erupted once more as she smiled mischievously and whispered to herself. "So pretty," she sighed contently again, gently stretching and then stroking her manicured fingernails.

She poked and prodded herself gently, chuckling and her oddly thorough drug-induced self-examination.

She took another puff from the already-lit joint and everything went hazier and it all felt so much better as she took a few more puffs.

_…sometimes all you need to do is get away._


	3. Worth A Thousand Words

Chapter 3 – Worth a thousand words

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_Visualize._

She shut her eyes and gently tilted her head back trying to imagine his almost-painfully beautiful face.

She leaned back, slumping back into the large black leather chair, gently massaging her temples.

She wanted him to the point that it tugged at her heart just watching him even talk to other girls.

She tried harder to get his image into her mind, she tried desperately to burn his image into her mind and carve it into her heart and forever have it swimming in her subconscious.

She pushed herself to her limits mentally, trying to remember his face – after all it was usually hard to forget his face – and got as far as the beautiful piercing blue eyes until the door swinging wide open interrupted her and brought her back down to planet earth.

She didn't even have to bother to try and imagine him anymore; he was standing right in front of her in flesh and blood, yet somehow she could see right through him and she wanted him so bad.

_…if you cant see what you want, you obviously cant want it that badly._


	4. Discreet

Chapter 4 – Discreet

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_Whisper._

She closed her eyes and her brows knitted together as she thought deep and hard.

April 14th – today would have been Kaitlin Brie's 3rd birthday and the 19-year-old could almost picture her daughter now. From the long brown curls, to the sparkly clear blue eyes, right to the knee-hi socks and shiny black Mary Jane's.

Her eyes fluttered open as she thought back to the day of the private adoption. The little girl that the married couple had almost forced her to name – Kaitlin Brie, the teen decided – had been adopted to a childless well-off family in Woodbridge.

The whole thing had been done discreetly in private and nobody in the small community had thought that the 11 months that the redhead had spent with her aunt in Minnesota would be spent hiding her pregnancy and signing the life of her first daughter.

She would close her eyes and take a few pills – praying all the while that she would forget that she even had the memories of the baby – and tomorrow she wouldn't even remember it.

_…Sometimes the best things are done quietly._


	5. Feel

Chapter 5 – Feel

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_Pain._

She dragged the blood-caked razorblade across the soft, white flesh of her pale forearm, watching the blood drip effortlessly down her arm.

Her eyes filled with tears, even though she tried to stop them by biting the inside of her cheek.

It hurt and she deserved that – and probably more – emotionally and physically.

She had taken four pills the day before and somehow she could still remember what happened, no matter how blurry it came out

She wiped the blood off the razor with a peach-tinted tissue and brought it back to her inner-arm and it glided, bringing back the rivulets of blood, watching as they dripped down onto brown carpeting.

She was getting weaker, and silently cursing herself for being so weak and fragile in her small, petite body.

She took a last swipe, this time making a deep gash in her upper thigh.

_…Pain is the only thing that can make us stronger…_


	6. Let Go

Chapter 6 – Letting Go

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_Forget._

She counted the pills. Not that it really mattered either way. It didn't really matter to her how many they were, probably no more than five. Not enough to do any serious damage in her opinion. Only enough to put her into a sleep, maybe even to make pass out at the most, if she was lucky…

She popped all of the coloured tablets and gel gaps into her mouth, taking a small sip of vodka to wash them down. Three pills went down, forcing her to attempt to dry-swallow the five pills.

Blue, yellow. Gulp. Red. A sip of vodka. Blue, white. A slight tilting back of the head and the pills all went down.

She moved on shaky legs as her black painted eyelids drooped down as her knees gave way and her head hit the floor and blood spilled out of a large gash in her forehead.

_…because sometimes it hurts to remember…_

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_Sorry I haven't updated in a while but my creative muse seemed to have disappeared, but more reviews means more, faster and longer updates from me. Usually good reviews mean goodf chapter. I have the next 4 down on paper ans they should be up soon... maybe one everyday starting from tomorrow. Depends on the reviews. And the next chapter of Once In A Lifetime is going to be up soon too, it's just taking a while for me to figure out the direction I want to take. I should have 2 new fics up soon. Hope you'll enjoy them. If anyone has any challenges feel free to tell me in a review or send me an email at either: dont worry people I'm not Satanic...just an email I've had since I was 12... or you could send me one at you'll have better luck with the first coz that's what I check more often. Any feedback or constructive criticism is cool. Like I said any challenges I'll gladly oblige, maybe someone out there can bring back my muse... 


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